omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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