I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
