I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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