Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
