Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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