Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
