i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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