'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
