And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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