I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
