i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Everyone says I win the strip club
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
