Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
