Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
