How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
