oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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