Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
