Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
