: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
