I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
