The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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