Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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