There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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