what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
