he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
