Life is so much better after having sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
