i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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