Porn is love you can see.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
