Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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