dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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