hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
