Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
