unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
