Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
