My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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