Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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