The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
