I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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