I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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