sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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