at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
