I wish I could teleport
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
