The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
