me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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