I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
