and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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