When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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