i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
