go do what you do best...puke behind churches
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
