checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
whose parrot is this?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
