Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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