I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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