why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
