i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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